The Honeymooners
by m.jules
Summary: The hotel's all full except for one room.  One bed plus four boys equals more fun than a barrel full of monkey kings.


**Title:** The Honeymooners  
**Author:** m.jules  
**Summary:** The hotel's all full except for one room. One bed + four boys More fun than a barrel of monkey-kings. Gen-fic.  
**Rating:** PG for a little swearing. PG-13?   
**Disclaimer:** They're not mine, but if claims are open, I'll take 'em all AND their former-life selves.  
**Author's Notes:** Thank you to DM Evans and SJ Smith for helping me out. This came about through a snark session about someone's fic in another fandom that used the cliche of being stuck in one room together, and since I was doing cliche, I decided to do it up right and go all out. Hope you get a kick out of it. I also chose to use "Jeep" for Hakuryuu, since that's what's used most often in the English manga. Plus, it's easier to type.

* * *

"Aw, _hell_ no."

Though Sanzo wouldn't have expressed it quite that way, he had a feeling that Gojyo's sentiment was well echoed by all of them. The room was excessively... _pink._ Candy-pink drapes hung over the windows, tied back with magenta bows, and most of the space was dominated by a huge bed covered by a bedspread in various shades of strawberry.

"Well, it _is_ the honeymoon suite," Hakkai pointed out helpfully, the corners of his mouth twitching. On his shoulder, Jeep made a trilling noise that sounded suspiciously like laughter.

"Like a guy's gonna be able to get it up somewhere like this," Gojyo grumbled and Sanzo snorted.

"That's a relief, considering I have to share this room with you," the priest muttered.

"Shut up, wise ass," Gojyo snapped back, the overwhelming amount of pink only serving to worsen the temper brought on by being told that the inn was all full except for one room that they would all have to share. "It's not like we'll be sharing the bed."

"Ah, yes," Hakkai spoke up, hoping to forestall the inevitable appearance of Sanzo's fan. "The bed."

"Yeah!" Goku piped. "I wanna sleep in the bed!"

"No way, monkey runt!" Gojyo snapped. "I'm sleeping in the bed."

"Now, now," Hakkai soothed. "We can solve this fairly. Rock, paper, scissors."

"Aw maaaan," Goku whined, his shoulders drooping. "I always lose at that."

Gojyo chuckled, rolling his shoulders and shaking his hair back out of his face. "Better be gettin' your blankets ready on the floor, then, little monkey," he sneered.

"Shut up!" Goku shouted, shoving at Gojyo. Hakkai saw it coming but didn't have a chance to say anything before Sanzo's fan whipped out, clocking both of the arguing boys on their heads.

"Both of you shut up or die," Sanzo growled. "I'm tired and I'm not in the mood for your childishness."

"Look who's talking," Gojyo grumbled, rubbing at the red mark behind his ear where the fan had snapped him. "The guy who lets a folded up paper fan solve all his problems." Gojyo got the fan across his ear for his troubles and yelped in pain.

"I said shut up," Sanzo reminded him.

Hakkai cleared his throat and Jeep's tail twitched against his back. Gojyo had the grace to look sheepish and Sanzo scowled but tucked his fan away. "Now," Hakkai said. "Ready?"

A few rounds -- and arguments consisting mainly of Goku wailing "He's cheating!" while pointing at Gojyo -- later, everyone was stunned when Sanzo emerged the winner. In fact, even Sanzo gave Hakkai a wary look as if suspecting the youkai had tricked him in some way.

"Looks like you have the bed!" Hakkai noted cheerfully, smiling a little too brightly. Sanzo tensed. "Although there is one small problem."

Sanzo scowled but relaxed and Gojyo looked relieved. Hakkai wasn't letting it pass unchallenged after all; things weren't as strange as they had seemed for a moment.

"I can't sleep on the floor."

Sanzo grunted in protest, turning a death glare on Hakkai, and Gojyo snickered. Goku looked puzzled. 

"But... Sanzo won," Goku said, his forehead wrinkling. 

"It's a fairly large bed, certainly made for sleeping two," Hakkai pointed out. "Surely you and I can manage to be civilized enough to sleep in the same bed for one night, Sanzo."

The priest's expression was the epitome of suspicion but everyone in the room, Sanzo included, knew that arguing with Hakkai never got anyone anywhere. He suspected he had two choices and neither of them involved getting the bed to himself. Still, he couldn't force himself to cave.

After a moment of Sanzo's indecision, Hakkai casually started stripping for bed, yawning widely. "Well," Hakkai noted, letting Jeep slip down to find a comfortable spot on the foot of the bed. "I think everyone should probably turn in early tonight. We still have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

Sanzo remained stock-still and dumbstruck as Hakkai slid between the shockingly pink covers on the bed, leaving plenty of room on the other side for the priest to claim his rightfully won spot. When Sanzo still hadn't moved several minutes later, Gojyo muttered, "To hell with this," and headed toward the bed.

Sanzo stopped him with an arm across his stomach. "Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"If you're not gonna sleep in the bed, I sure as hell am," Gojyo reasoned and started forward again.

Sanzo shoved him back. "Floor, kappa," he snarled, finally breaking out of his sulk and moving toward the mattress.

Gojyo grumbled under his breath something that sounded suspiciously blasphemous, but went to the closet to find extra pillows and blankets nonetheless. Goku had already sprawled out on the carpet and was snoring softly. Stupid monkey.

* * *

Sometime just before dawn broke over the horizon, Sanzo dreamt he was falling. He woke with a gasp, only to clutch at the edge of the mattress when he discovered he really _was_ falling. He knew he'd left plenty of room between himself and Hakkai when he'd gone to sleep but he didn't remember being _this_ close to the edge. He tried to flop over on his back, only to discover a small, familiar weight holding him down and pushing him away from the center of the bed.

Growling, he gathered his arms under him and pushed back, trying to flip the monkey off, only to hit the mattress again, chest first. When the hell had Goku gotten so heavy? Sulking, he paused for a moment, only to jerk in surprise at the distinct feel of a mouth on his earlobe, gnawing. With a yell he pushed up again, this time with more force, and blinked as the distinct sounds of two bodies hitting the mattress -- and each other -- mingled with loud yelps.

"Get off me, chibi!" Gojyo snapped, pushing Goku off his stomach and into Sanzo.

"What the hell are you doing in the bed!?" Sanzo roared, catching Goku and shoving him back against Gojyo.

"Stop it!" Goku complained, dodging away from Gojyo at the last minute to avoid being a human ping-pong ball. 

"I wasn't going to be the only one on the floor," Gojyo shrugged. "Woke up and saw you let Goku in the bed, so I figured, hell, what's one more? It's a big bed. It's not like I'm a homo or anything."

"I didn't _let_ him in the bed!" Sanzo protested. "Stupid monkey, what were you doing in the bed? And why were you chewing on my ear!?"

Goku shrugged, his lower lip sticking out in a sulk as he curled into himself against the eye-sore of a headboard... and was Sanzo imagining things or was the damn thing covered in deep pink satin? "Woke up cold. Gojyo had all the blankets, and there was plenty of room between you and Hakkai." He rubbed his belly. "And I was dreaming about takoyaki."

Sanzo sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. It was too damn early in the morning for this. As he was contemplating how best to handle the situation -- paper fan or gun? -- there was a bright voice from the other side of Gojyo.

Hakkai, somehow having managed to keep plenty of empty space around him through the whole ordeal, looked completely unruffled as he cheerfully observed, "Oh, good -- everyone's awake. Shall we have breakfast, then?" 


End file.
